she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
