your room smells of hookers.
And success
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
