i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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