The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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