how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
