Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She's the barista slut.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
