I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
