I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Randomize
