i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish i was in the wii world.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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