i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
