butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
