omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
