after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
