also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
