i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
