Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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