We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
