I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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