OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
