I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
