dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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