i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
