she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
