who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
