i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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