I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You ruined the universe
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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