Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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