I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
