I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
