kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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