You're my little dorito
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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