You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
