i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
