He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
