My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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