Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
