I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
