Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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