Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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