Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
