i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
