I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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