i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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