Small penises have feelings too.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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