I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
