do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
