JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
