I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
