I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
