so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
