He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
