Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
