Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
