maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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