i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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