Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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