I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
