I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
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after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize