i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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