Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Farmville is her only friend.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
