I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
