when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
