And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
