I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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