is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
