My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
