so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
