can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
