sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
