Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
