i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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