the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
