Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
