I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
