If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
