you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
