Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
