Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How external is "for external use only"?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
